Saturday, 25 June 2016

Escape your fate.

How cruel destiny is.
Maybe it was best I never knew.
But we'll always find a way to cheat our fate.
If I have to become this monster to save us from the rain of bullets,
Then I would.
I once promised I'd cross galaxies and nebulae for you.
That I'd fight all your demons.
That I'd die for you.
Who knew it was almost easy?
I just had to become someone else.
Someone that God himself couldn't see.
We're intangible now, my dear.
We're free to melt in this heat of passion.
This is what happens when fate and circumstances dare challenge a twin flame.
We set this universe on fire just like how I'll keep that fire burning in your loins.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Damaged

What truly happened that fateful night was my death.
Yes. Death. Not the decaying of this vessel, But that of my soul.

I tried to fight it. I tried my best.
But I wasn't strong enough. Something snapped in me.
How do I know this? Everything seemed fine until I looked at myself today.
The hope in my eyes burned out. All that was left was the darkness I once knew.
I cannot smile the same way as I once could.
All I see is a deranged woman in the mirror.
I just see someone so fucked that I don't recognize that abomination.
I can't believe this is what I've been reduced to.

A candy coated gun put to my head.
I'll just play along because it's only a matter of time when the trigger gets squeezed.

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

The Cigarette.

It just hit me. I just realized I'm only gonna be Kelly Kimberly in this lifetime. Once. When I die, and I probably have many times before,  I'd never be this person again and you'd never be you again.
I'll be reincarnated into someone else and so would you, whether our souls will meet again in our next lives, I don't know, But I surely hope we do.

I want to spend every moment as US together. I want to spend my entire life together with you.
Knowing about the problems you face at home and how we can't see each other as often as before saddens me. I hope things get better soon, I wish I could solve this problem, But I can't.
There are so many things I can do, but this is one big fucking thing I can't do jack shit about.

All I can do is wait, save for our future, Stay alive and treasure every moment I have with you and love you with all my heart.

I wish there were some way I could be able to know we will meet each other again in our next lives.
Because of you, I'm terrified to die.
But if I do, I will with honor.

Monday, 6 June 2016

Down.


So today I bought this really gang$ta Mug,
I've been spending so much lately, I fucking blew about nearly a thousand these past weeks on frivolous things and of course my daily expenses like food, phone data-creds and transport totaled.

And right now at this point when I blew my budget up, I still freeking decided to start a side-business importing and selling EDC(Everyday Carry) Gear, self-defense tools and some of my old stuff and novelties on Carousell, Which by the way is KimmyK69 if you're interested!

I really hope this side business goes well, I already have my first customer on Wednesday!
I'm currently still waiting for the rest of my stock to arrive. Not knowing if you'd breakeven is what's scary. THAT is true fear.

My main business hit it's low point, like it usually does occasionally. But I'm pretty sure it'll get up and running again.

Basically I'm pretty broke, well, I mean I do have savings, I mean my spending dough.
I guess I'm quite fortunate to have not been born into wealth, but more of hustling my way up.
Because at least I still remember how to survive without money.
Just that right now it's not so bad.
Once my carousell stock comes in and my shop is up and running, I am considering doing some ad-hoc jobs like perhaps flyer jobs. I mean, I love adventures and trying new jobs without commitment.

Sorry this was just an update on what I'm up to lately and yea, as you can tell, It's pretty businessy.

I also decided to grow plants because it's really nostalgic, I'm sure if you were born in the 90's, You would have done this at some point during your childhood, am I right? Haha


I've been feeling a little down lately too.
I just feel so hopeless sometimes.
Though I'm always capable of surviving, hustling, fighting my way out, Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be strong. Sometimes I wish someone would just take care of me. I'm tired of being a fucking tough girl. I'm tired of having to be this way. Sometimes I just want to be vulnerable, I just want to be pampered. But this world is just shit. Who am I kidding? If I wanna be vulnerable and soft, I'm gonna get fucking eaten alive. Why? Because people don't see something in me worth loving. People think I'm tough as shit so they don't feel the need to be nice to me or help me. They probably think "She can handle it herself" FUCK.
Sometimes I just feel so fucking alone. I feel like the world is choking me by the throat.

I hate this feeling, When I wanna cry but I'm so used to not letting myself cry and because I'm holding it all in, I literally feel some kinda heavy ass pressure in my throat and it hurts physically,
I don't know how much longer I can take this bullshit. FUCK CAPITALISM.
Why can't we just pluck apples from trees and eat them?!
FUCK

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

What I've been up to lately and a trip back to my dark past.

So it's been quite awhile, because I've been runnin' around alot lately doing stuff and blowing my cash on frivolous things. Which means that now I have stuff to write about! Yaay!

I did a little bit of shopping this week. Okay. Alot.
Wanting to relive the childhood I never really had, I bought lots of different action figures of my favorite movie/videogame characters to put up on display in my room. Feeling extremely happy albeit the 3 fucking hours I spent freaking out over how it was so difficult to get them in the pose I wanted them to be in.


I also went on a date with my lover, so I decided to wear something other than my usual sweatpants and halter. AM I PRETTY??? :D
 Okay, funny thing was, it was super crowded at the restaurant and we had a yummy meal, we chilled there for a bit like most people would after a delicious meal, Which I just ordered a shitload of garlic bread and dipped it in mushroom soup, I know, I eat weird things. Then we decided to go home only to realize, we forgot to pay the bill. Hahaha.


I also got yet another tattoo. I've lost count on how many I have already.

It says "Death Before Dishonor" Which to me, It's about how I'd rather die than break the covenant I made with the people I love.
I will not beg for mercy in a fight no matter how bad it gets, I'll keep standing up and swinging until either I'm dead or the fucker goes to sleep. Because I'd probably only fight to protect the ones I love and if I can't protect them, I don't deserve to live.
If I can't survive, I don't deserve to.
The greatest honor to me is being able to protect those you love.

Skillfully done by Bernice Michaelis (Contact her at 92786660 for inquiries or check out her work on instagram @ber_michaelis )
Despite her being an apprentice, she's very passionate at what she does and has improved a lot each time I visit for a new tattoo! Definitely a contact to keep especially if you're like me and tend to wake up in the morning and be like "Hmmm, I want a tattoo today" She'd definitely take the job if she's not busy.

 

I decided to pick up a can of Tattoo Goo as well, Lovely stuff. It's a green balm-like moisturizer that enhances your tattoos and helps with the healing process.
I really recommend this stuff especially if you have colorful tattoos!
Ft. My Spike knuckle ring. Don't mess. HAHA. Speaking of which, I've been ordering LOADS of self-defense tools and practical Everyday-Carry utility tools and I can't wait for them to arrive, I've already received some and I'm pretty satisfied with them.


-
A trip back to my dark past.

You know, It's almost 5am and like most people, I tend to have strange thoughts at this timing if I'm not asleep.
I've always wondered why humans are so wicked.
The world is a really dark place despite it having it's beautiful parts.
I've reached a point where I feel that I should be kind to those who deserve it.
I do it purely by my own judgment.
Most people are so used to being treated like shit so they don't know how to react when someone is nice to them.
I'm not a bad person. I don't want to be, despite my nature innately being vicious and aggressive due to my dark past which well, what the hell, I'll venture into it with you guys now since I'm in the mood to. I hope none of you will judge me, I hope it'll just be an eye opener.
Not many people know of what truly happened to me. So here's my story.

As a child, I grew up with my brother, who I shall not speak much of as he and I aren't close at all, even though deep inside, I wish I was.
I grew up not knowing my father, he left us when I was 2, leaving my mother to take care of both my brother and I.
I was born a boy. Despite me spending my entire youth trying to accept that, I simply couldn't.
Deep down inside, I knew I wasn't. I was a girl and I knew it.
I was raised with Christian upbringing and my mother was a zealot.
When I was in school, I simply wasn't understood, I was called names. "Sissy." "Faggot." "Chao ah gua". I was even severely beaten up many times because I was too effeminate.
I remember once, I was 8. Innocent, not knowing any better.
I was at a playground with a friend.
This big group of 17 year old boys came and started harassing me.
They started calling me names, hitting me. My "friend" just said he had to go and ran away. Nobody helped me.
Watching fists rain down on me through teary eyes, I wondered why humans are so cruel.
What did I ever do to them?
I thought it was all over when some of them walked away laughing.
But it wasn't.
The remaining 3 boys used a bike chain with a padlock and whipped me repeatedly in the face while the other 2 held me down.
They then proceeded to try to set my genitals on fire with a lighter.
I was so afraid but I managed to slip out and run off.

Several other horrible things happened to me, being bullied, called names and beaten every single day in school and I realized a pattern. It was because they felt I wasn't "normal" and that I should be treated like absolute shit... until I was 16.
Oh when I was 16, everything changed.
All that bottled up rage I held inside, It came out when I sank my teeth into his flesh and left a nasty mark.
That was the first time I ever HURT someone and heard fear in someone's voice.
...and I liked that sound.
Before that day, I was docile, I was the most harmless person ever.
But that day something changed. I snapped.

Shortly after I left school.
I went to learn Krav Maga, I was aggressive and relentless. Every second I trained, I only thought of one thing: That I will NEVER let someone lay hands on me again.
A few months after,
A friend of mine introduced me to his (back then) gang leader.
He was trained in the art of Muay Thai.
We acquainted and he took me under his wing to learn Muay Thai, However, I was too viciously undisciplined and violent, probably due to the damage done to my psyche at a young age according to him.
He taught me to calm down and maintain discipline.
He taught me very important lessons that I could apply in life too and was very patient with me, knowing how fucked up in the head I was.

Soon after, I started going to ITE in an attempt to further my studies.
That place was full of hooligans and wannabe gangsters.
I cannot keep count on how many times I've seen stupid fights start over the smallest of things.
Shorty after, My mother died.
I abandoned my faith in god.
There were some assholes who tried fucking with me, but they didn't stand a fucking chance.
It wasn't really because I was skilled, but maybe because I was probably the angriest motherfucker I knew.
I took up judo and I pretty much spent every free time I had in between classes fighting people or hitting the bag.
I was reputed as the "pale dragon", "psycho", "demon". See, it's so funny how the names people call you change once you don't let them step all over you.
I remember I once whooped this asshole who came out of boy's home and thought he was some big fuck. Good times.
I never played fair, I was a street fighter. The discipline thing never stuck to be honest.

Fast forward a year or two after, I decided to transition. To become who I truly was. A Lady.
I knew I would probably end up being a target for assholes again. But I knew I'd put them in the ground if they did. Despite me ignoring most verbal abuse because I felt it wasn't worth it.
I'd only get physical if they did first.

It was a rough road, but today, I'm who I am.
There are times I wished I never had to be put through all of that as a child.
There are times I wish I never knew that the world was a dark place.
But I've come to accept the fact that despite not having a happy childhood, I was given a gift in exchange, I grew up to be one hell of a bad ass tranny.

I've learned to be kind too. I only hurt those who ask for it. Other than that, I treat humans with respect and love.
I don't let my past's circumstances affect who I am as a person.
 When you've seen the darkness, you either get consumed by it or you become a light to fight it.
I was once consumed, now, I consume it like a burning torch.

The world needs less assholes, that's why I decided to not use my past as a fucking excuse to be one.
Be a light in this world, we may not be able to completely light up the entire world, but at least we'd make a difference.

SOOOOOOOOOO That's my origin story or whatever. Haha.
Now I won't be leaving you readers with just that, Let's end this post with a happy picture of this cat.



This is Meowmeow, She's not really MY cat, but then again, she's kinda like my cat.
I don't own her, but she lives around my neighborhood and follows me around everywhere.
She comes to my house almost everyday, she usually follows me around my block but never strays far.
She often chills at the coffee table and sofa I placed outside of my apartment.
My lover often says Meowmeow might be the reincarnation of my grandma. My grandma did love cats. But I guess we'll never know, won't we?

Goodnight all my cutecutes!

Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Stigmatized Chickens

I personally am a veggie-eater(with the exception of tiny less sentient sea creatures - Pescetarian) and I have no problems with people eating meat. In nature there are carnivores, herbivores and omnivores.
It's up to you what you choose to subsist on.
But I absolutely hate it when people make jokes on eating my pet chicken or talking about frying her. Like, it's a stigma chickens face and it's a very big problem. They're no different from other animals just because they're commercialized as "food" by the media, Would you like it if someone made jokes about eating your dog? Or your Baby?(Or should I say, your pet human?)
It's as ridiculous as me going into your house and saying how I'd love to eat your mother's house plants.
You can eat whatever you want, but never make jokes about eating someone's pet.

It's quite sad that more people know what a dead chicken fried in batter looks like more than a happy, sweet, adorable living one looks like. Chickens are so adorable, a Hen, if not fertilized by a rooster, Lays unfertilized eggs very often, keeping one lets you cut costs on buying eggs from the supermarket, they also are natural and not genetically altered, thus being healthier.
Also, there's a difference between a cock and a hen. The slang for a male rooster is often called a cock. Female chickens are hens. Chirpie is a hen, Stop telling me I have a lovely cock.
Chirpie is my pet, not your dinner. Just like how you would want your daughter to be your baby and not some fuckboy's one-night-stand.

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Digressing is what I do best



Hey guys, how's it going?
I realized I should never blog during the day because I'm a lot less interesting in the morning.

So I've recently recalled a childhood toy I once had but with my currently corrupted mind, I cannot see it the same way anymore.



It's called the watersnake or the seaslipper or something along those lines, I can't quite remember.
Basically, it was a tube-like toy made of a gelatinous substance, in which when you grip it, it slips out of your hand, technically it's inverting itself and the only way to hold it is by doing so gently.

I remember having one as a child. Mine was blue if I'm not wrong.

Just that as a kid, YOU'D NEVER THINK IT BEARS SIMILARITIES TO THIS:

DOESN'T IT?!? IS YOUR CHILDHOOD RUINED NOW?

Like seriously, do ya'll think so too or am I just too much of a nympho?

-


Anyway since I've fucked this post up from childhood toys to sex toys, I wanna go onto the topic about BOOBS.

YES BOOBS. I know I'm an A-cup dyke that doesn't have much of a say, BUT HEY, They're growing!
Yes I have tattoos on my boobs because I'm a crazy bitch.

Okay, so, WHY DO PEOPLE SEXUALIZE BOOBS!? I really have no fucking clue.
To me, I see boobs on ladies like muscles on dudes.
Too big is gross and too small makes you not look proportionate.
Just that.
Okay, maybe they're both nice to touch.
But not in a sexual way.
They're fucking mammary glands, like the thing you use to feed retarded infants who think they're so bloody cool without teeth like us lame adults.
So I seriously can never understand why guys go gaga over a pair of mammary glands.

Which brings me to yet another funny thought I had.
If you ever decide to let a boy take you home and upon reaching his home and he has all that pre-sex chit chat and you realize he's not the kind of guy you wanna bang, 'CAUSE YOU REALIZED HE'S A FUCKBOY(Oh shit, what do you do now!?) and you don't want his jizz, Here are some tips to get yourself out of that sticky(no pun intended) situation.

1. Talk about pregnancy and responsibilities.
*Fuckboys don't like responsibilities. Especially pregnancy.

2. Talk to them about moving in with them for a few months before having sex.
*Fuckboys want it now, they don't wanna wait, they'll realize it's not worth it.

3. Keep talking about wanting a threesome with John Cena but he's gonna be bottoming for Cena.
*Fuckboys don't want to be in the same bed as John Cena. Period.

I hope these tips help you ladies out there.

Okay I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about now.
I realize I use the word "Fuck" alot.
I guess it's because it means Sex. And sex is good.
I'm being captain obvious again.

Y'know what....